It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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