broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
