I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
