The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
