insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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