Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
