in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
