Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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