This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
