It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
