Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
