R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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