we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
