No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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