On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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