vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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