I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
