o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize