broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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