I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
