i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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