scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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