Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
