Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
