pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
