A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
