Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
