I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
