I puked a lego.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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