Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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