Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
