So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
