I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
