brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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