you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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