put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
