I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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