So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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