Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
