Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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