standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
