meet me or not, i'm out of control
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
