Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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