i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
