just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Alive.
So much puke
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
