And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
