Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
