my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
