love makes seman taste better
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
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