i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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