You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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