I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
