And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
