you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
