dude i'm inner monologue high
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
