I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
