i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
