Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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