I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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