I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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