No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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