so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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