we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
