Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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