I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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