youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
