I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
