Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
