guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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