Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
