I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I checked into jail on foursquare
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
