Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
