Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
