sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
